no more sorries

so i have been feeling sorry for myself, which seems to me to be so ironic because the sickness is due to a blessing. Yet I still wake up everyday and feel sorry for myself. I'm sad I can't eat and drink a normal meal without seeing it 15 minutes later. I'm sad that I find it hard to do anything besides laydown and watch my kids play instead of playing with them. I'm sad that my precious mother comes over all the time just to give me a break from doing the simple everyday things that I used to do with ease.I'm sad that I wake up wishing that it was 9:00 pm so that i could be heading back to bed instead of getting up.... I know, know it's such a sad life, poor little ole me..

And then the other day God woke me right up with Nie Nie's post......... I now I wake up with praise in my heart for my beautiful grape size blessing that will soon bless this world.

So the next time you are feeling sorry for yourself like me read this


I am back.
Partly alive, but back.
Mr. Nielson did such a good job taking over my blog.

So...pretty much I just kick it in bed all day, and it's hard.
My once active life has been transformed into slow days in which I just take it minute by minute.
My children fly around me doing this and that, and all I can do is muster up enough energy to remember this is just temporary.
Claire and Jane are out the door each morning to school.
Ollie and Nicholas play around the house with GrandMary's toys.
The set-up here really is delightful, and I am in such good hands.
I just miss home.
I miss me.

I live in the place where it all began.
A boy.
A marriage.
Children.
A move.
A plane crash.
And now I am here again for surgery and a hunchback (which will magically turn into a neck)
I take so much medications and have heartburn from the antibiotic's.
My showers are comparable to someone scrubbing me raw until it bleeds.
Stephanie + shower= my wish that I had passed on to the other side.

And yet, I move forward forgetting the past and preparing for the future. Whatever that is.
I just ordered like a thousand dollars worth of hoodies because that is all that works over this big back of mine.

Sleeping is the worst, with 2 huge lumps on my back, I sleep on my side with pillows propped up against my back, and I wake up in pain, crying out for the life I once led.

My donor site is so tender and I itch like I have poison ivy all over my pale skin.
I hate to complain, but this is harder than I thought.


Next week Mom and Lucy are coming, I will look forward to that.

I heard it snowed in Utah, and to think that just today I hobbled outside and picked me a fresh orange off the trees.
Even in the midst of pain and suffering, the Lord always reminds me that life is a gift-no matter the condition.

Things I am grateful for today:
On-line shopping
Comfortable bed
Darling children
Tums
Baby wipes (don't ask why)
Pain medications
Dr. L.
Mr. Nielson

I need your prayers (again, and again) Thanks
-Nie