I started this blog to be my "diary" and it is ... sort of.... But I always tend to steer clear sometimes of how i'm feeling, what i'm thinking, and put up cute photos of my children, or funny stories, because those are always more exciting and positive to read......
But sometimes it's nice to learn that other people may feel like you do and you (meaning I) are not a crazy nut (even though i'm pretty sure 99% of the time i am)
I have been in such a funk lately, i don't feel depressed but i just don't feel right. it is discouraging. i felt like this for so long when i was really sick in the beginning of my pregnancy but then it got better, and now the funk is back..... there are things going on with this pregnancy that I would never discuss on a blog due to the fact that I don't want to be the reason you get sick and puke all over your keyboard.... (your welcome!) and i guess i am learning quickly that my mood and attitude is controlled by how i feel and i don't want to be this person at all.... I want to be the person that "considers it joy my brothers...." and at this point there is very little joy--- there is however a great amount of LACK OF MOTIVATION and desire to just be..... which i feel like makes no sense... i feel like i have ZERO motivation, yet i also feel that i have such an overwhelming feeling in my life right now, and this overwhelming feeling is paralyzing...does that make sense??
I wake up wishing it was bedtime.. not the best way to start your day... i get so tired of disciplining cohen... and boy oh boy are we in a total disciplining stage... that even when i know i need to be strong and hold to my parenting style, i am so exhausted and take the easy way out... which obviously then i feel guilty for, because really it gets us nowhere and then i have to start over from square one with him and it is even more exhausting the second time around....
i have a huge sense of not being content (in case that needed to be said any clearer)
I do love my life, my God, my children, my husband, my family and friends... and truly thank God for the amazing life he has given to me.... so why can't i actually enjoy it a little more?
so there is my random entry on my feelings... i think this post was so random that now i am even more confused about my feelings and my emotions then before i started writing.
so sorry for the waste of 5 minutes of your life... i will try and repay you back with a really great blog entry next time :)
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4 comments:
You have not wasted my time in the least. Ahhh, those are some serious struggles (I hear you on the lack of motivation) and I am glad you shared. Sorry, sis, I hope you get more energy. God bless, - KC
This is not a waste, and I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. While mine has not been dealing with kiddos and being pregnant you are for sure not crazy or alone.
I wish I could be there to help or cheer you up and I will for sure be praying! It was so good to talk with you last night! Can't wait until June!
first of all, you changed your blog background since i saw it last, and it IS the cutest blog on the block.
secondly, thanks for sharing. like Jen said, I can't say I relate with the kiddos part of living it day in and out except to say you're doing a great job. persevere because it's obvious that you and Steve are doing something right.
i was just getting on your blog to see how you're doing. if you want a girls night, count me in! or if you want a date night, Josh and I would love to hang with the kiddos.
love ya, e
i love you and i love your honesty! and what mom hasn't been in your shoes at one time...or many times? i know i can't even imagine what severe health struggles like you have do to the already overwhelmingness of life, parenting and everything else!! God bless you my sweet cousin! i will be praying for you! if you want to come over with the kiddos....you can sit, i will make lunch and entertain the kids!!! :D
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