another hiatus

so I know I have done this before, but I am feeling it is time to take a little hiatus from the blogging world. As much fun as I have had.. and maybe some have enjoyed reading or viewing photos... i am feeling a bit overwhelmed in this blog world and needing to take some time off.... how funny that I can feel guilty for not blogging on a regular basis... pathetic I know





but this summer is just flying by, and with this new little guy soon approaching I know that life is going to just get crazier.





I have so enjoyed my outlet, and who knows i may need it back sooner then what I thought!





But until that point.. Good Bye Blog World.





I will leave with one last photo-- my Mayes family :) it is big and it is wonderful !!! And I am so proud to be apart of ALL of the families that are apart of me- MAYES,BRYAN, CLARK, CANADA,COONS


they are all amazingly wonderful and I am extremely BLESSED!!! (this is just the family that recently took a large group photo and so i have it available to post!!)
everyone was here, except my oldest David who got to spend the 4th with his friend on a lake (jealous) but that's the rest of us... and i love them all :)

GOOD BYE

Of Course I Cried

( this is David's Kindergarten Graduation)

(and this is his 5th grade Graduation)

You hear it all the time "Time Goes By SO Fast" which I always try to keep that in mind, yet why am I Always surprised whe something happens so fast in my life that it brings me to tears?

David graduated 5th grade, He is now no longer a kid in elementary school..... umm WHAT? I seriously don't know how it happened so fast.

I am so proud of this young man and truly look forward to seeing what God has in store for him (as well as Steve and I.... we are the ones parenting this man... Lord Bless Us ALL)

If I had a garden I would TOTALLY do this

How Cute Are These?!? They might be the reason I start one up... Next Summer of course

And since I DO have a bench that could use some pillows to brighten it up

What about these fun little gems

Now I just have to figure out away to earn some money to buy these beauties!! Anyone want to pay me to ....well give me a reason and I will let you know if I'm up for it?

Sometimes I forget people read my blog

I just want to say thank you to those who read my last post and put encourgaing words for me.

I am so grateful for the loved ones that God has blessed me with that are there beside me either in person or in spirit. It is your love and prayers in my life that makes the difference. Which in turn helps me to know that you feel my love and prayers for you!

I want to make one thing clear about my last post... I did not want to play the sorry little ole me card. And now regret writting that post, just a bit.

It was me expressing my feelings at the time, I was getting them out and starting afresh. But like my title expresses I sometimes forget that others read my blog.

I know that there is so much going on in the world that is far beyond my very worse day!

And I know that there are humans with pain that is more then I can imagine, and for me to struggle with my situation seems like a joke to some.

But Praise God that He does care about my struggles too, no matter how big or small, He does care and wants to be there for me, To Be My Provider!

I truly do appreciate the prayers and love, I just want to say that I do Praise The Lord for He has been Good to ME, in good times and in bad and I am in love with a God that does that for me.

And it's the good days, like today, that make me know that God is just as good in the bad days.

But maybe that is a fault of mine (or of Christians as a whole)

We don't talk about our struggles, our bad days, are days when we say "WHY GOD WHY?" ENOUGH

We all have them, we are all human, no matter what situation in your life you are going through you have issues that you question... but I (we) don't want to talk (blog) about those...because that would be self-centered?? that would be saying we don't believe God is good???

why do I not want to share that part of my life??

Why oh why is it so hard to share when we are truly struggling, or feel bad...

Or maybe it is just me that feels this way.. and whoever is reading this is on the other side of a horrible rambling session

so. sorry.

So now I am confused.... am i sorry for posting my struggles? or am I sorry that I don't share enough that I am human, and have them just like the rest of the human race? God made me human right?

He could have made me a bird, a fish, or a tree ..right??

but he made me human

so I am just like the rest of you.... normal, don't have it together, struggling in some aspect HUMAN

and i want to be okay with that

Wow... this post was a little all over, and not at all like I thought it would be...

Thank you God that you love the Human ME, not the spirit of me that will one day be by your side, but right now as you see me you love the Human ME

Some Days it's Hard, and some Days are even Harder

I don't want to repeat my "poor poor little pregnant me routine" But some days lately are very hard to get out of bed.

Everything hurts

I'm always still very tired

and the kids are not

They are whinning in a manor that makes me wish the day was already over and it was night time again

I head straight to the shower to escape and think of my reasonings for birthing children and why I ever did it in the first place?



Why did I want to put my body through this?

Why did I want to put my emotions though this?


Why can't I just take a peaceful shower without two precious kids crying and banging on the shower door for me to get out because they don't like to be away from me for more then 2.2 seconds



But then there are days - when i truly hear God speaking in his still small voice and telling what my purpose is


why I am here

why I do this

why the physical pain is worth it


it is a small voice and sometimes it's not even a voice... but the smile of my cohen, the giggle of my olivia, the kick of my baby boy, and the loudness of my david getting ready for school all by himself (PrAise God that He is capable of getting himself ready in the morning)



My purpose here is beyond what I can see or imagine, my purpose as their mom is to teach them about the Love of God

the Goodness of God

the Mercy of God

and most days i doubt my ability to do just that, God do I understand your Love, your Goodness, your Mercy?

if I don't then how do I show that to my children?

This is my purpose ... but I also think that it there purpose too... because right now they teach me in so many ways

God teaches me through them and for that I am forever greatful ( and I better learn quickly so God can stop blessing me with children to teach me things~!)

I've posted it before and I'm doing it AGAIN

To All The Mommies Out There- This One Is For You

A Child's Angel

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born.
So one day she asked God: They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?
Among the many angels, I chose one for you.
She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.
But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy.
Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day.
And you will feel your angel's love and be happy.
And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk?
Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.
And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?
Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.
I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?
Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.
But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.
Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly: Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name.
Your angel's name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy
~Author Unknown~

Seriously what is this baby doing to me

This is what I had for lunch today- NOT NORMAL for me in the least. Normal is whatever the kids are eating, chicken nuggets, yogurt, bananas,chips,mac & cheese
You get the idea..but today's lunch included spinach, mushrooms, tomatos....What????



Different.. and it was SOOOO good...


Not sure what this baby is doing to me, but I LOVE it

Thanks little one!

I have a new obssession

PRINTING OUT RECIPES.... seriously I can't stop looking at them, or websites from women that make Fabulous Food for their families!!

It is part of my job as CEO of this household to make sure my family gets feed, and that it is healthy and beneficial!! But considering that I have some family memebers that are umm.... picky to say the least, it's been a strugle for 7.5 long years





So recently I have been obsessing over new recipes that will blow them away, that they will be begging for, that will make them healthy and strong and they will eat and beg for me (still wondering if that exsist) But I believe it just might.

So until I find it, I am on the hunt and having a blast looking at every other cooks recipes.






I have been asked to put a hault on the printing of recipes by my husband..due to the fact that I am printing out so many recipes, our paper is low, computer ink is running dry, and my husband can't print out is work stuff because the computer and printer are jammed by my recipes

So I will just look for fun (because honestlly I just can't stop), and maybe store a huge list in my bookmarks, and one day be able to print again

How did it go by so fast??

So tonight my baby girl is sleeping in her new room tonight... UPSTAIRS while I am downstairs in my room next to an empty nursery... how did she go from this



to this




SOOOOO FAST


I have been soooo thrilled to get her big girl room ready for her.... and it's still in the works ( once auntie allie helps give her final touch to the room I will post pictures!)

But once she was up there and I walked down to her now empty room, with blue sailboats and blue baby toys ( yes I know I still have awhile before this boy comes to join our family but I am sooo not a procrastinater) I was soooo sad... how did it happen so fast? How do I go back and remember all the moments I never want to forget? I hope and pray that they stay with me forever but I know little by little they will fade, and new ones will be replaced.

Which is good


But there is still a part of me that is very sad tonight and will probably be for awhile- my sweeet baby girl is not so baby anymore- she stills lets me snuggle her, and kisses her face until she can't breathe, she still needs me toget her out of her crib, and change her diaper, she is still my baby girl even if her old room is empty and I can't hear her chattering in the room beside mine

change takes some getting used to

but i should be used to that

right....??

My Interview

So I was interviewed by a blog site thingy.. guess I'm still not really sure what it is all about - but hey if you like my blog and feel like voting- you can do so right

HERE


And in case I end up winning anything--- a BIG THANK YOU in advance!!!!

So it's time to journal (beware of the rambling that is about to occur)

I started this blog to be my "diary" and it is ... sort of.... But I always tend to steer clear sometimes of how i'm feeling, what i'm thinking, and put up cute photos of my children, or funny stories, because those are always more exciting and positive to read......
But sometimes it's nice to learn that other people may feel like you do and you (meaning I) are not a crazy nut (even though i'm pretty sure 99% of the time i am)

I have been in such a funk lately, i don't feel depressed but i just don't feel right. it is discouraging. i felt like this for so long when i was really sick in the beginning of my pregnancy but then it got better, and now the funk is back..... there are things going on with this pregnancy that I would never discuss on a blog due to the fact that I don't want to be the reason you get sick and puke all over your keyboard.... (your welcome!) and i guess i am learning quickly that my mood and attitude is controlled by how i feel and i don't want to be this person at all.... I want to be the person that "considers it joy my brothers...." and at this point there is very little joy--- there is however a great amount of LACK OF MOTIVATION and desire to just be..... which i feel like makes no sense... i feel like i have ZERO motivation, yet i also feel that i have such an overwhelming feeling in my life right now, and this overwhelming feeling is paralyzing...does that make sense??
I wake up wishing it was bedtime.. not the best way to start your day... i get so tired of disciplining cohen... and boy oh boy are we in a total disciplining stage... that even when i know i need to be strong and hold to my parenting style, i am so exhausted and take the easy way out... which obviously then i feel guilty for, because really it gets us nowhere and then i have to start over from square one with him and it is even more exhausting the second time around....

i have a huge sense of not being content (in case that needed to be said any clearer)

I do love my life, my God, my children, my husband, my family and friends... and truly thank God for the amazing life he has given to me.... so why can't i actually enjoy it a little more?

so there is my random entry on my feelings... i think this post was so random that now i am even more confused about my feelings and my emotions then before i started writing.
so sorry for the waste of 5 minutes of your life... i will try and repay you back with a really great blog entry next time :)

Ahhh It's Monday

It's what I'm getting ready to watch.. what about you?

I knew it all along

And One Beautiful Princess!!!

tomorrow is the dAy

OR



Hmmm..... we shall soon know!!!

So Love It

so seriously I had a brief moment where I was soo inspired to make this for my house, I clicked on the link that gives you the pattern to sew (the key word is SEW) these super cute birdies, and for a second I almost printed it out...

and then I sadly realized who am I kidding... I am sooo not crafty.... so here is my post of something so cute that I will probably never own.... unless of course (heaven forbid) I go on bedrest and have a whole lot of time to spare.... you will never see this in my house

sniff sniff

This is the movie Steve and I are watching right now

I'm still trying to figure out why......??

The Difference

there are many differences between all three of my children........ some are just more obvious then others



Olivia LOVING the St. Patty's Day Parade, laughing, dancing, enjoying the day




Same parade...... Different Child

with his back towards parade, sitting as still as possible, as to not create attention from the clowns and people in the parade


Night and Day

It's was a Glorious Day

So this isn't exactly what it looked like outside my backyard today.. but it might as well have been!!! Today was a good day :) And this view is what I saw in my mind.... except my view also had beautiful children squealing with joy over all the "new toys" that have been kept inside the garage for all these long,cold months. Today we were able to break free and it was AMAZING.. we ran without shoes, we kicked footballs, soccer balls, swang, slid, golfed, played tennis, drove a remote controlled car, rode bikes, went on a walked, ended up at miles house, jumped in a ball pit, played baseball, ate popsicles, went pee like a big boy outside on a bush (that was a huge deal by the way)

And all this was only about 3 hours worth of our Fabulous day....

We did have a small break in between, where we ad to take O to the doctor for her 15 month check up, which couldn't have come at a better time, because when she woke from her nap (15 minutes before leaving to go to her appointment) her bed was covered in spots of blood... come to find out she has an ear infection and it is starting to push her tube out in one ear and causing her to bleed..... plus the precious lady is shoving out THREE MOLARS at one time... and one of these molars has a cyst on it and is probably going to rupture sometime and cause her a lot of pain... oh my precious baby O -- how I wish I could take your pain away from you :( But none the less.... she rocked out all afternoon and into the evening chasing her brothers around the driveway while screaming with delight as they drove the remote controlled corvette around her little tiny legs.

on a side note, this precious lady of mine is only 19 pounds at her 15 month check up.. that is in the 9%.... and her head size is only in the 10%... my peanut is seriously A PEANUT.... But all 19 pounds of her is squeezable, lovable, kissable, adorable, indescribable yumminess :)

you will never know

i just had this super cool post... and then when i went to publish it ... there was an error and now my post is gone...




your loss



you will never know what I am doing today and WHY!?!?!?

Happy Anniversary

to two of my most favorite people.... Adam you were and still are an amazing brother. i am so proud of the man/husband/father that you are, you make me very proud

and to miss Allie, i never knew i would love having a sister as much as i love having you in my life. It truly has been a blessing to watch you as a mother to josiah and a wife to Adam. you inspire me!

you two are part of my heart and i will always love you

happy anniversary....... may this year be the best yet!!

The End Result

IT'S DONE!!!!
The wait, the stress, the anxiety is all over and my boy came out a champ in the end!! The first day was BY FAR the very very worst. My sweet angelic boy peed NINE TIMES IN TWO HOURS....yes you read that correctly, I never knew that I child could have so much pee in them.

It was ridiculous!

The morning went like this....

Cohen fights me to even put on his super cool big boy underwear (I swear we now have even kind imaginable, buzz lightyear, cars, incredables, Wall-E, diego, seasame street.. you name it I bought it)

Underwear finally on.. Check!

We try to stay in the kitchen (tile floor) as much as possible so lots of games, and puzzles happened that day, and even tried to go hangout on the potty for fun so that maye it can just happen naturally.... NO SUCH LUCK... Cohen is freaking out and fighting me trying to get off of the potty while Beautiful Baby O is trying with all of her might to get ON the potty- so with my hands I try to force cohen to just sit on the potty chair, while one leg is holding Olivia back so she doesn't end up inside the toilet (End Result... Baby O ends up playing in the tub while I try to be the expert potty training mommy)

But then mommy must attened to Baby O and off cohen goes to go potty in his big boy underwear while hidding somewhere that of course always had carpet NOT tile ;(

I make Cohen clean up his own mess... (which for him is actually more of a reward and pleasure then a punishment-- I know this boy is crazy)

I take him to the bathroom, talk to him about where he is suppossed to go and then put him in the tub to wash him off with cold water (again he tends to think this is funny most of the time.. not exactly the result I was going for)

Start all over..... this process happened 9 times in two hours...

Oh and let me please post that I think I called my mom in frustration 27x during those two hours

but then magically one time I sat him on the potty after washing him off and he went and then everthing CLICKED in one big Hallelujah Chorus!!!!! I can't say what changed from Pee #9 to Pee #10 but whatever happened WORKED and seriously since then the boy has had a very small handfull of accidents since that 10th time and he has been a MAJOR ROCKSTAR-- I am so proud of my baby boy, I mean BIG BOY!

I'm guessing by Olivia's quick admiration for the potty she will be a much younger age for potty training..... but then again we will see how much my life changes with baby # FOUR's arrival

LIFE is GOOD

I have photos that I took, but I am to lazy to search around the house for the cord to download the photos----- but you can imagine... 9 pairs of underwear in the bathtub, a basket full of suckers, stickers, books,a pinwheel, mommies cup full of ice water (for my sanity, don't ask why)a plastic broken slinky, candy, a towel, baby wipes......and it's not a very large bathroom let's please keep in mind!!!

POTTY TRAINING.......

ENOUGH SAID

no more sorries

so i have been feeling sorry for myself, which seems to me to be so ironic because the sickness is due to a blessing. Yet I still wake up everyday and feel sorry for myself. I'm sad I can't eat and drink a normal meal without seeing it 15 minutes later. I'm sad that I find it hard to do anything besides laydown and watch my kids play instead of playing with them. I'm sad that my precious mother comes over all the time just to give me a break from doing the simple everyday things that I used to do with ease.I'm sad that I wake up wishing that it was 9:00 pm so that i could be heading back to bed instead of getting up.... I know, know it's such a sad life, poor little ole me..

And then the other day God woke me right up with Nie Nie's post......... I now I wake up with praise in my heart for my beautiful grape size blessing that will soon bless this world.

So the next time you are feeling sorry for yourself like me read this


I am back.
Partly alive, but back.
Mr. Nielson did such a good job taking over my blog.

So...pretty much I just kick it in bed all day, and it's hard.
My once active life has been transformed into slow days in which I just take it minute by minute.
My children fly around me doing this and that, and all I can do is muster up enough energy to remember this is just temporary.
Claire and Jane are out the door each morning to school.
Ollie and Nicholas play around the house with GrandMary's toys.
The set-up here really is delightful, and I am in such good hands.
I just miss home.
I miss me.

I live in the place where it all began.
A boy.
A marriage.
Children.
A move.
A plane crash.
And now I am here again for surgery and a hunchback (which will magically turn into a neck)
I take so much medications and have heartburn from the antibiotic's.
My showers are comparable to someone scrubbing me raw until it bleeds.
Stephanie + shower= my wish that I had passed on to the other side.

And yet, I move forward forgetting the past and preparing for the future. Whatever that is.
I just ordered like a thousand dollars worth of hoodies because that is all that works over this big back of mine.

Sleeping is the worst, with 2 huge lumps on my back, I sleep on my side with pillows propped up against my back, and I wake up in pain, crying out for the life I once led.

My donor site is so tender and I itch like I have poison ivy all over my pale skin.
I hate to complain, but this is harder than I thought.


Next week Mom and Lucy are coming, I will look forward to that.

I heard it snowed in Utah, and to think that just today I hobbled outside and picked me a fresh orange off the trees.
Even in the midst of pain and suffering, the Lord always reminds me that life is a gift-no matter the condition.

Things I am grateful for today:
On-line shopping
Comfortable bed
Darling children
Tums
Baby wipes (don't ask why)
Pain medications
Dr. L.
Mr. Nielson

I need your prayers (again, and again) Thanks
-Nie

Just incase you are interested.......

I have A LOT of blogs that I read, for many different reasons! Some are to make me laugh out loud, some are to keep me close with those that I don't get to see as often as I like, some are because I am noisy :) And some for total inspiration and to challenge myself

So incase you are in need of some AMAZING blogs to get addicted to here they are :)

and for these three blogs I recommend starting from the beginning (because I know as we all have so much free time) but truly some of these stories are amazing as is, but you will love them 10x more from the beginning


So I hope you enjoy

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/

this blog is about a fabulous women you was in a plane crash with her husband and is now burned on over 85% of her body - as i speak she is currently recovering from even more surgeries and so for awhile her husband has taken over the blogging, but I can tell you that you will NOT be dissapointed when reading her amazing story


http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Another AMAZING women, who learned at 20 weeks pregnant that her daughter would not make it. It is one of the best things I have ever read, and you do truly need to read this one from the beginning- I will warn you if you are pregnant you might want to hold off on this tear-jerker of a blog, but it is SOOO INSPIRATIONAL and again you will not be dissapointed

And Finally

a blog that always brings the biggest smile to my faces and warms my heart all over- my beautiful cousins wife Kaite

http://www.heartgonewalking.com/

she is an amazing mommy that will brighten even the darkest days--- She is Priceless in so many ways and I love her :)


So ENjoy-- I know I have

now back to non-blog reality

:)

All I need now are beautiful nails

I knew my husband was special, but he totally blew me away last night when he walked in with the biggest surprise for me......... THE RING!!!!! I wanted this ring so badly and posted a photo complete with the link for him to easily purchase for me! But then I realized "he doesn't read my blog" (or so I thought) so I simiply told him one day over the phone he should check out my blog, and then I doubted him (big mistake) I figured since he was in the car driving that my reference to the blog went in one ear and out the other, so I knew I would have to say something again if I wanted that ring. So one night as I was online I said" hey look at my blog" I showed him the ring, and tried to convey my LOVE for this beautiful ring. Calmly he said "click on the link" so I did and then my heart began to sink
SOLD OUT
it was gone, my beautiful pink ring (that was going to take away all my pregnancy sickness) WAS SOLD OUT.........

BUT MUCH TO MY SURPRISE HE WAS THE REASON IT WAS SOLD OUT...... HE DID LOOK AT MY BLOG, HE DID KNOW IT WOULD TOTALLY SURPRISE ME AND MAKE ME SO HAPPY, AND HE WON BIG TIME..... I CRIED AND HUGGED HIM AND HUGGED HIM SOME MORE!!!


Even though our lives are busy and times are sometime tough, and we might not seem like the blissfully romantical couple that we were 8 years ago,

HE STILL IS and He LOVES ME SO, and He has his own special way of letting me know :)


I LOVE YOU STEVE




also my pregnancy sickness is almost nill......... ALMOST......
and yes, all i need now are some beautiful nails to show of this lovely pink lady!!!

Please Do Yourself a Big Favor and WATCH

Modern Family on Wed nights ABC at 9:00

Steve, you are to late with the pink one, but........

this blue one is still available FOR A SHORT TIME I'M SURE!!!! $7 is a great deal :)